Stranger Things Have Happened
by Mitsu Amarante
Summary: Squall twitched, Zidane giggled, and Bartz watched with a confused look. Meanwhile Tidus just can't seem to convince Cloud to put on the damn dress. Stranger things have happened.


Stranger Things Have Happened

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><p>Disclaimer: I donut own Final Fantasy Dissidia. That would be Square Enix and all that fucking Epicness. I just write the smut that makes it all worth playing the damn game.<p>

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><p>Laguna once gave Squall some Fatherly advice when he'd finally broke down and told his Father about some of his life. "Stranger things have happened." He said.<p>

Bullshit. Not even Laguna could quite come up with anything stranger then what was going on right now. Having never seen Cloud angry before, this was also on his list of strange; admittedly his Dad actually might be able to top that, but the reason why Cloud was so angry right now…Well if Laguna could top it, he _really_ didn't even want to hear about it. But no, here was Tidus standing in front of Cloud and holding up the most pink and frilly dress Squall thinks he's ever seen and telling him that it would look just damn good on him.

Cloud didn't seem to agree with this as his hand was slowly inching towards his sword. Definitely didn't agree.

Squall looked to Zidane and Bartz hoping one of them was planning to step in. He didn't really want to get involved. But Bartz was just yawning his eyes half open as he watched the scene and Zidane was too engrossed in eating his toast his tail happily swing back and forth to really give a shit. The argument seemed to continue for quite a long time after that. In fact it was still going on about ten minutes later. Squall was impressed, really. If it's been him, he'd have taken out his gunblade about three seconds after Tidus suggested it and sent both him and the dress to hell.

"Hey, Squall." Zidane spoke up looking over at the older brunette. "Why is Tidus trying to get Cloud to wear a dress anyway?"

Now how was he supposed to answer that when addressing a kid? He shrugged. "Probably some creepy sexual kink." As blunt as possible.

Was that the right way to answer him? Zidane didn't seem to be asking anymore questions about it. Honestly did that kid even know what a sexual kink was in the first place? Scratch that, did he even know what sex was?

"Squall?"

"What?"

"Do you have any sexual kinks?"

"No."

Bartz then decided that this brand new conversation was more interesting then listening to the two that were still bickering and turned his attention onto them. Not really saying anything just watching and listening…intently.

"None?"

"Nope."

"I can't believe that you don't have any kinks."

"Well I don't."

"But you're lying."

"No I'm not."

"You can't possible have nothing in the world that can turn you on. It's not possible. There has to be something that will get you off."

Okay so maybe Zidane did know more about sex then he probably should at his age. He swears if this is Kuja's influence on the poor kid he's going to beat the woman…er man…senseless.

"I bet I could find something that'll turn you on!" The younger blonde challenged a bright as day smile on his face.

Squall had doubted him. Bad Squall, stupid move. He took the kid up on his challenge without really thinking. Well that was a lie, he was thinking, he was just thinking he'd win.

The conditions of the bet were as follows: 1.) Anything goes 2.) Loser had to wear a dress specially made by Tifa who would neither spare you of embarrassment nor show mercy in how she designed it & 3.) If Zidane failed to win within the hour, the game would be over and Squall would win.

Squall figured with his personality it shouldn't be too hard to hold back his raging hormones (are we sure he's not asexual?) for another hour of his life. Zidane had other plans, although he didn't know exactly what they were yet, he was completely prepared to do anything necessary to win this bet. He had made tons of bets with Squall before and lost every one of them. The results usually led to something painful, stupid, or very harmful to his wallet. So he decided he'd better start brainstorming.

Bartz however realized that now that Zidane was in thinking mode they'd most likely never get anything done so he returned his attention to Cloud and Tidus who were actually still fighting. Only now Cloud's hand was clenching tightly to the handle of his oversized sword seeming ready to kill something. Or someone. He really had to wander how this relationship managed to work out when they were like this pretty much all of the time. The sex must be pretty damn good if they still continue to put up with each other.

Cloud however was figuring he could give Tidus at the most fifteen minutes before he would take his sword to that dress and completely annihilate it. Possibly taking his blonde lover with it. Really the only reason he was being generous enough to give him that much time was because it would seem unfair if he snapped at Tidus sooner then he'd snapped at Zack and Yuffie when the black haired male and his "ninja gang" had tried to get him into a dress. Of course he was much younger then, and didn't have this sword and was much less stronger then Zack so he ended up in the dress in the end anyway. And Cid still had those pictures…

But he was going to give Tidus the exact amount of time he'd given Zack and Yuffie before he ripped that damn thing to shreds. Of course he knew that Tidus wouldn't be all sunshine and daisies about it, he'd worked really hard to make that dress for him so he'd mostly likely offer him make-up sex and they'd either get to the room quickly or force the other three idiots who lived with them to leave before they got a free show. Although Bartz never seemed to care about that and usually stayed anyway to watch.

Cloud once suggested that he go fuck Squall or something, anything to get him to stop staring at them with that stupid smile on his face…But of course the brunette's response had been that he doesn't do sex unless it's a threesome. After that it took Cloud and Tidus three weeks to finally convince him that it wasn't going to happen. And you know it's pretty bad when even Tidus doesn't want to do it in the bedroom. Either that or he really just didn't want to be dominated by two people…actually…hm…

"Wear the damn dress!"

"Hell no!"

"Pwetty pwease? I'll suck you off if you wear it!"

"No."

"Damnit Cloud don't be so difficult! I just wanna see it!"

"Not gonna happen."

"Cock-block!"

Meanwhile in the background, Squall twitched. He turned his head to give Zidane a look, the young blonde was smiling proudly at him a giggle escaping his lips at his expense as he twitched again. He looked down follow the sight of a blonde monkey tail along until it disappeared into his waistband. The fur tickled as it moved down.

"Zidane…"

"Anything goes right?" He asked.

Bartz looked over at them again hearing part of the conversation and wandering what was going on. He noticed Squall's twitching, the way Zidane giggled and Zidane's tail…well…he noticed where that had gone as well. Huh, maybe Zidane would win this one after all…He made a mental note to ask for a threesome later if Squall ends up nailing the kid after this.

Squall glared at the young thief at the reminder of the bet. But did this really count as a sexual kink? A damn good portion of men would get off on having their dicks rubbed by…oh…

No. No. No. Squall did not get off on animal tail even ones that were connected to cute…little…boys…was pedophilia a sexual kink?

He was screwed wasn't he?

The tail wrapped gently around the head having taken it's time to get there. Not being able to see what he was doing made it more difficult to find the object he was looking for. But after Zidane had finally managed to find it he let his tail grab hold of the tip so as to keep it where he needed. Was it just him or did it feel like Squall was already loosing this bet. He moved slowly downward along the older male's length tightening his grip as he got further down and loosening it as he moved up.

From the look Squall was shooting him, the brunette either really loved that and was in denial or he was getting fucking pissed. Somehow he was betting on the former.

So he did it again and again before switching it up. Watching his face go from pissed to flushed though was well worth it. But Squall kept himself quiet denying that he was getting hard from this at all. This was proving difficult due to Zidane's insistent need to start squeezing harder. Okay, he was getting off on this, but not because it was a sexual kink, mainly because he had something giving him the equivalent of a hand job. It just happened to be a tail…

He was fucked…

But he wasn't going to wear a damn dress. Especially anything that Tifa designed. Now that he thought about it, was it possible that Tifa designed the dress Tidus was trying to get Cloud to wear…probably not. He didn't think it was possible for her to design or even want to touch something that pink and that frilly and…ugly…pink...

…

Squall moaned before snapping his eyes open wide in complete shock at himself. He looked at Zidane again who was gaping a little at him. That moan was basically admitting defeat. Squall would never admit defeat.

Bartz fell out of his chair laughing harder then he thinks he's laughed in a long time. Actually, a very long time, he noted wiping a tear away from his eyes.

The tail though released Squall retreated back to the young blonde wrapping itself around its owner's leg. Almost like it was cowering as much as Zidane was from the look he was now getting from Squall. And that was when Zidane felt himself getting lifted from his chair and thrown over the resident gunblade master's shoulder. He squeaked out a little in surprise as he was being carried away to the older male's bedroom. He's looked back to the others for help, but it seemed Bartz was too busy laughing his ass off on the floor, and since Tidus and Cloud had missed the entire situation they didn't know what was going on at all and were only watching them leavel; Tidus a little curious and Cloud…well as usual apathetic.

"What's going on there?" Tidus asked.

Bartz waved the question off still not being able to stop laughing. And anyway if they had really wanted the question answered all they really had to do was stay quiet for a minute or two before the moaning started then they would know exactly what was going on in Squall's bedroom. However…

"C'mon Cloud, just wear the dress already."

Cloud sighed was time up yet? He seemed to loose count…y'know what screw it. He wasn't wearing that damn dress and thinking about Tidus in that threesome earlier had caused him to get a little horny. So he ripped the dress from his lover's hands tossed off into a far off corner (he barely managed to keep himself from destroying it) and pounced him on the kitchen floor. They were definitely not going to make it to the bedroom this time.

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><p>"So this is it, after this house then we're done with our routine checks for the week." Lightning commented taking out a key and using it to unlock the door to the house.<p>

"Good, cause I'm getting hungry. Do you think I could convince Squall to go to lunch with me? Father/son time and all?" Laguna asked.

She rolled eyes and they stepped inside the house. These were their comments.

"Holy Mother of-"

"WHY WASN'T I INVITED!"

I'm sure you can guess who said

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><p>AN: And so life with our heroes was never the same. And yes, Bartz did eventually get his threesome, but I'm not going to attempt to write about it.

Also, anyone want to thank someone for making me write this, you should thank Lilly-chan. She asked (forced) me to write this…monstrosity…for her. :3

Don't be hatin'

review/favorite/alert/do something!

-Mitsu Amarante


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